SilentGoodbye

the magical 44 (that isnt actually 44)

2009-03-08T22:30:00.002-04:00

1. Do you like blue cheese? no i like ranch :)

2. Have you ever been drunk? nope im a good girl :)

3. Do you own a gun? a water gun

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Strawberry, yuuummm

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? yeah cause i dont go to the doctors all that often

6. What do you think of hot dogs? i like them hot :p

7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Year Without a Santa Claus or The Grinch

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? water

9. Can you do push ups? not very many

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? the necklace Jeremy gave me and the cross my grandma gave me at christmas

11. Favorite hobby? taking pictures (photography)

12. Do you have A.D.D.? haha sometimes i think i do

13. What's your favorite shoe? my black flip-flops :)

14. Middle name? Renee

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Why does my phone always have signal when i dont need it?, i wonder when hes gonna be home, i cant wait for graduation

17 What is your current hate? cold weather, i wonna go swimming :)

20. How did you bring in the New Year? i was at home with my family and Jeremy

21. Where would you like to go? to the beach, so tomorrow should be fun :)

22. Name three people who will complete this? haha i dont have 3 people that actually read this

23. Do you own slippers? nope

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? black

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? um...maybe?

26. Can you whistle? indeed

27. Favorite color? green

28. Would you be a pirate? if i didnt have to kill people yeah, that would be totally awesome...

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? whatever comes to mind when i feel like singing

30. Favorite girl's Name? Ava Lynn

31. Favorite boy's name? Kona (dont laugh its cute :] )

32. What's in your pocket right now? i dont have pockets silly

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Logan being a silly boy

34. Best bed sheets as a child? the ones that covered my bed?

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? i fell and skinned my knee :(

38. Who is your loudest friend? haha hands down that goes to Michele :)

39. How many dogs do you have? i have one but she lives with my grandparents

40. Does someone have a crush on you? mmhmm :)

41. What is your favorite book? The Notebook :)

42. What is your favorite candy? Tootsie Rolls

43. Favorite Sports Team? Florida Gators :)

44. What was your favorite year? so far its looking like this one :)

The only things to fear, is fear itself?

2008-11-07T19:16:00.005-05:00

Fear. Such a small word, with such a big affect on life. We live in a world full of fear, where even the fearless fear something. We fear taking chances and change, we fear death, we fear life.Being that we are human we fear and that is what holds us back from the things we need the most. A person can stay in one place for their entire lives because they fear what will happen and the change that will come if they move away. What they fail to see is that they are living fear and from that fear they may be missing out on something that could be a truly amazing experience. Now im not saying that everyone who lives in the same place for their life span fears change but there are people who want so bad to leave but they stay because of fear. And a person who never takes chances, will never realize what they are missing out on until they take a chance and have it turn out for the best. Sure you can argue that things don't always turn out for the best but honestly isn't at least trying better than never knowing? And in the end if you fail, well then get back up and keep going. Its not like its the end of the world. Its normal fear, but its not normal to let fear control your life. If you let fear control your life then where does that leave you? You aren't living life to its fullest and you are missing out on so many amazing opportunities. So why let fear win?

So far away from where you are ((These miles have torn us worlds apart))

2008-07-29T00:00:00.008-04:00

"So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here"
-Lifehouse

I this past few week I have felt like i have been tied to the middle of a railroad track with a speeding train coming towards me. No way to control it, no way to stop it, it just keeps on coming. I have been missing Kaity more than ever and this is partially due to the fact that i feel like i have no one i can talk to about how much i miss her, because under normal circumstances she would be the one i would turn to. When worst came to worst Kaity was the one i wanted to talk to and its been hard for me to realize that i cant do that anymore.

School starts in about 3 weeks. In 3 weeks i will have to face my senior year without my best friend. It seems like not that long ago that we were on the phone talking about how excited we were for our first day of high school and now as this year draws near i face the fear of what this last year will be like without her. i will walk up and receive my diploma knowing that shes not there to cheer for me and tell me how wonderfully i walked((:])). Deep in my heart i know that she will be there because i know she wouldn't miss it for the world! So on that day i will try to smile and know that she is there with me always.

I have made up my mind and i have my heart and mind set on a wonderful college that is out of town, instead of going to UF. I have decided that it would be best for me to get away for a while. I guess some would call this running away and some would call it being afraid, but i see it as a time for healing. I am not afraid of the road that lies ahead, what i am afraid of is the past catching up to me. As stupid as it sounds like all best friends we had our entire after high school lives planned. We were going to graduate high school, move in with each other, and go to college...TOGETHER. All of our plans included us finally getting what we wanted and when she died EVERYthing changed. And most of the time now i just dont know what to do.

My brother left Wednesday for basic up in Kentucky. I think the day my brother left was the first time i have actually hugged my brother in a long time. I am so very proud of him and i cant wait to see him graduate. Hes finally doing something for him and making something of himself and i think that is great. I will defiantly miss my brother, and it will be different as my mom says not having him so close by, but i think it is for the best.
&& My uncle((who might as well be another brother)) left for Iraq Thursday :( please pray for him....

Get Ready Get Set Go...

2008-04-28T22:22:00.004-04:00

i come here everyday and i start writing something, anything that comes to mind really, but i never seem to finish it. I guess this is partially because i am easily distracted and lose my train of thought easily sometimes, but here i go my post for today. My life as it is...
We are approaching 5 months. My best friend has been gone almost 5 months and i cant believe it, its still so unreal to me, like a never ending nightmare that you want to wake up from but cant. I really don't talk about it much anymore because i hate to bother people with my problems. I dont even like to mention her, it still makes me cry sometimes just to think about her and everything that has happened.
Moving on, prom is right around the corner and im so excited. It is going to be so much fun, just me and my friends having a good time. Believe it or not i actually have a dress. Well i dont have it but its on order and it should be here soon :) I cant wait.

And Logan is getting so big! its crazy i cant believe he is almost a year old! and OH YEAH! Greys Anatomy is finally back on which is a deffinate hight light to the past week. Also that same night was my cheerleading banquet. Abbie Michele and I had some fun for sure :D. So i end on that note with a few pictures.

A Soldiers Take on a Deck of Cards

2008-04-12T23:27:00.004-04:00

me and my mom were on our way home tonight and as usual we were listening to the radio. Well the music stopped and they had a moment for the men and women of the military. Then they read this, which if you keep reading is pretty interesting. Its a story about a soldier and his religious views on an ordinary deck of playing cards. Well my mom and i decided it was pretty interesting and so i decided to look it up and sure enough there it was. And so i post it here for you, i hope you enjoy it, and pass it on to those who may find it interesting.

A Soldier's Cards

During the North African Campaign a bunch of soldier boys had been on a long hike, and they arrived in a little town called Casino. The next morning being Sunday, several of the boys went to church. A Sergent commanded the boys in church and after the Chaplain had read the prayer, the text was taken up next.
Those of the boys who had a Prayer Book took them out. But this one boy had only a deck of cards, and so he spread them out.
The Sergent saw the cards and said, "Soldier put away those cards!"
After the services were over the soldier was taken prisoner and brought before the Provost Marshall. The Marshall said, "Sergent, why have you brought this man here?"
"For playing cards in church, Sir."
"And what do you have to say for yourself, son?"
"Much Sir," replied the soldier.
The Marshall said, "I hope so, for if not I shall punish you more than any man was ever punished."
The soldier said, "Sir, I have been on the march for about six days. I have neither Bible nor Prayer Book, but I hope to satisfy you, Sir, with the purity of my intention.
And with that the boy started his story ...

You see Sir, when I look at the "ACE", it reminds me that there is but one God;

And the "DEUCE" reminds me that the Bible is divided into two parts; The Old and The New Testaments;

And when I see the "TREY", I think of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost;

And when I see the "FOUR", I think of the four evangelists who preached the Gospel. There was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John;

And when I see the "FIVE", it reminds me of the five wise virgins who trimmed their lamps. There were ten of them, five were wise and were saved. Five were foolish and were shut out;

And when I see the "SIX", it reminds me that in six days, God made this great heaven and earth;

When I see the "SEVEN", it reminds me that on the seventh day, God rested from His great work;

And when I see the "EIGHT", I think of the eight righteous persons God saved when He destroyed this earth. There was Noah, his wife, their sons and their wives;

And when I see the "NINE", I think of the lepers our Saviour cleansed. And nine out of the ten didn't even thank Him.

When I see the "TEN", I think of the Ten Commandments God handed down to Moses on a table of stone;

When I see the "KING", it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven, God Almighty;

And when I see the "QUEEN", I think of the Blessed Virgin Mary, who is Queen of Heaven;

And the "JACK" or "KNAVE" is the Devil;

When I count the number of spots on a deck of cards,I find 365, the number of days in a year;

There's 52 cards, the number of weeks in a year;

There's 4 suits, the number of weeks in a month;

There's 12 picture cards, the number of months in a year;

There's 13 tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter;

So you see, Sir, my pack of cards serves me as a Bible, Almanac and Prayer Book.

Can i count this high?

2008-04-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

100 things you may or may not know about me

1. i love my momma more than anything in the world. shes almost like another best friend i tell her almost everything.
2. Rascal Flatts, Lifehouse, and Switchfoot are the greatest bands EVER.
3. i could sit all day and do nothing but listen to music and be perfectly OK with that.
4. i want to attend college at Flagler University in St. Augustine, Florida
5. i was born in Texas but i moved to Florida when i was 2 weeks old
6. I am angry with God
7. i miss my best friend the most when i look up to the sky and remember all the good times we had.
8. my best friend and i have never lived in the same town
9. I miss my Uncle Aunt and cousin who live over in Germany it sucks that i don't get to see them more.
10. Photography is my everything, i always have a camera in my hand and this has become even more true now that i have gotten my camera back :D
11. i have 1 c 3B's and 2 A's on my most recent report card.
12. i get annoyed very easily
13. i love the rain unless I'm on vacation and cause me to have to stay inside.
14. i love to read
15. i would only want to be a boy if it meant i could make a living playing football
16. i act like i don't like my brothers that much but i love them very much
17. i like to bake especially cookies :D
18. i have a collection of snow globes from various places.
19. i have a box that i keep random things in from different events i have gone to (eg. weddings funerals)
20. I haven't been the same person since December 7th 2007. i don't know what it is but there has defiantly been a change.
21. i am a very outgoing person
22. my favorite Disney movie is Peter Pan
23. i hate when Disney makes a sequel to "happily ever after..."
24. i always seem to leave me cell phone on the bus.
25. i hate my high school its full of people i hate
26. i don't like my curly hair
27. my grandma is pretty much way cooler than yours and i love her and miss living close to her.
28. i don't think i am that fat but i realize i need to lose weight.
29. i know I'm not ugly
30. if i could live at the beach i would
31. i love being at the beach
32. i love when my family goes to the beach on vacation because i love spending that time with my family especially because i may be leaving home in a year or so for college
33. my dad and i have never had a good relationship partially because he has been practically a stranger to me for my entire life
34. i consider myself to be a strong person when it comes to emotions. up until recently not many people had seen me cry.
35. my friends mean A LOT to me.
36. i have a sister that i love
37. i have an uncle that practically consider to be a brother because hes not that much older than me and he was always around when i was growing up.
38. i have a tendency to stay up to 1 in the morning even when i know i have to be up by 6 o'clock
39. i still have my best friends 17th birthday present
40. Music is my escape
41. i HATE talking on the phone
42. i would rather talk on instant messenger
43. I cant listen to the song "Tear Drops on My Guitar" because it was my best friends favorite song and it makes me cry.
44. i will never drive a Chevy Cobalt
45. Peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies are my specialty
46. i love acting like a little kid
47. my family comes before everything
48. i love to have fun with my friends
49. i have trust issues
50. I try my hardest not to have regrets because you cant change the past
51. Ive been told a million times i look just like my mother.
52. i drive a car that i absolutely hate
53. i hate that i don't get to see my older brother that much
54. i don't like to be yelled at and it doesn't do any good to yell at me because i wont listen
55. i love being there to witness my baby brothers firsts
56. my mom has told me that i have never had a problem speaking my mind
57. Christmas is my favorite Holiday because its the only time all of my family gets together.
58. When i get older i want to travel the world
59. i don't like mornings at all
60. i hate listening to the radio because they over play songs
61. i hate how everything is Tinkerbell and nothing is Peter Pan
62. I cant believe that i was actually a cheerleader
63. Next year i will only have about 6 friends who are still in school
64. my prom dress is burgundy
65. i have actually thought about joining the military. i never would though because i couldn't do that to my mom
66. i think it is really fun to tease my mom about her age even though i don't think shes that old
67. one day i want to swim with dolphins
68. i would rather listen to older music then have to suffer through the new stuff
69. i hate that some people think i am immature. I'm not i just know how to have fun.
70. i wear flip-flops more than anyone should
71. i am quick to temper. calm to angry in 0.5 seconds
72. i enjoy making people laugh and i have the ability to laugh at myself
73. I'm not easily embarrassed
74. I hate when people make comments about how short i am. like i have no idea that I'm really short.
75. I'm not a big fan of change. i like a change of scene but only for a couple days not permanent ones.
76. I don't know why but i walk on my toes when i walk up stairs.
77. i don't like to be in a car for very long. a.k.a. i hate long trips
78. When i go away i have to call my mom every night even if its only for like 2 minutes
79. i am absolutely terrified of cows!
80. I've always said i want to move as far away from here as i can but i cant imagine being that far away from my family especially my baby brother
81. i really don't like small town living its not for me.
82. my favorite show in the entire world is Boy Meets World
83. I worry to much, and about the smallest of things.
84. this countries military men and women are my HERO.
85. i tend to keep people at a distance so that i don't get hurt.
86. i am not a very forgiving person though i do think it is easier to forgive then forget
87. in my whole life i have told my mom that i hated her once and i hate that i have said that to her at all.
88. i have never dyed my hair.
89. i don't like to be left home alone for to long. i get all freaked out
90. i HATE bad weather. i get really scared during bad weather.
91. i still believe in fairytales, and Happily ever after.
92. i want an 85 dollar snow globe. It has every Disney character imaginable on it.
93. i try to see the good in people but it doesnt always work.
94. im very stubborn.
95. i love history.
96. i really dont care what people think about me.
97. i will be 18 in 160 days :D
98. there a lot of things that i dont want to do anymore because i was supposed to do them with Kaitlin
99. I spend way to much time on myspace.
100. One day i hope to be able to own my own photography studio.

TIME

2008-03-14T01:02:00.000-04:00

As a younger generation we think that time is always on our side. We live with the idea that there will be a lot of tomorrow to look forward too. It isn't until something happens, something happens that shakes the whole core of our very existence. And in that one brief moment when tragedy strikes, we feel it, time stops and in that instant that EVERYthing changes, barley leaving room to breathe. We start to realize how precious time really is, and that we tomorrow may not always be there. We realize that we aren't invincible and that there is no rule that says "hey you cant die you're not 80 yet." But most of all we realize that time moves on. Time doesn't stop for anyone. No matter what we have been through time just keeps moving on. Time knows no rules, time has a rulebook of its own. So we live; we live like there's no tomorrow. We live for those who died to soon. But most of all we live, because time isn't on our side.

-Stephanie Elliott